Note:

All prices mentioned are based on the accuracy of my memory at the time...which may fluctuate depending on amount and type of beverage consumed.

Wednesday, July 30, 2008

Montana State Fair Food

Next to the the impossible traffic on the NW Bypass that I swear one day will cause a fatal collision, the food is the most feared and fretful fair-week accompaniment.

Although it took us two gate entrance attempts to finally allow us group of four to feed during our lunch hour for free, we finally succeeded and embarked upon the world of the Midway which was music to four hungry IT tech's ears, or would that be perfume to our olfactory senses? (only if your fragrance of choice comes deep, fat fried with a hint of stale beer, vomit, horse manure, and sweat, of course)

Choices abounded on the short walk down the strip and NONE looked palatable or conducive to allowing me to return to work for another 4 hours without feeling a constant urge for emergency liposuction. So then I decided...

"If I wasn't going to go big, then I better go home!" (but then I remembered I didn't drive in the first place so going home wasn't really an option)

And so begins the story of....DEEP...FRIED....HAMBURGERS...

ohhh, was I excited...nothing says overindulgence like taking a burger (or Twinkie, or Oreo, or Pepsi?) and sticking it in a vat of oil until it's crispy fried and dripping from every seam. I was going to burst my virgin deep fried fair food palate on none other than one of these monstrous delights.
So I forked over the $6, chose the Hawaiian burger with pineapple, mozzarella, and marinara sauce and waited....and then it appeared. A tea saucer sized puck inside what looked like the doggy bags that Prime Cut gives out to take home your leftovers. But presentation isn't everything right? "It's the fair, not fine dining", I told myself.
As I took my first bite, immediately my mouth felt the fire. "Great, burnt the roof of my mouth so how am I supposed to taste the damn thing now!" I let the steam escape for a minute and tried again...
"Mmmm, mouthful of onion ring breading, tasty"...I had to bore through a few bites before I even hit the meat. Gristly, pink, cheap burger is all it looked like or tasted like to me (but I do have to say I am not the expert on this subject having been a fan of ground turkey not ground beef my entire life. )I kept biting, looking longingly for a pineapple I had pined for or some mozzarella or marinara, ANYTHING to divert my attention away from the fact that I am consuming massive nutritional disgust with no reward! I made it halfway through before I finally hit something other than burger or bread.
At that point I realized I had worked hard enough and it frankly wasn't worth any more effort. So my half eaten mess got graciously devoured by my co-worker who had just finished his first burger and I went in search of something more fat-free and fulfilling.

CONCLUSION: I was looking for something that packed a tasty and satisfying punch but instead got a caloric round-house kick to the face with neither taste nor satisfaction.

STAY TUNED AS MY SEARCH CONTINUES IN PART 2...

3 comments:

ZenPanda said...

I personally like to eat one of the deep fried burgers at the fair but sadly this year I will not have the time to stop by & fork over $6... damn I'll miss that beacon cheese burger!
I hope you had the lemonade...

Epicuria said...

Thanks for reminding me to finish my post! I did indeed have the lemonade and shared my thoughts on it in Part 2.

Treasure State Jew said...

Epicuria;

I, too, tried the GutBuster. It will be my last. I think I am still tasting that fried hockey puck in my gut.

Aaron