So I wrote down some actual food reviews.
"The Sting" Pizza (mushrooms, sausage, pepperoni, and some other stuff)
- Have you ever seen the episode of The Simpsons where Homer wipes a piece of fried chicken on the wall of a restaurant and its grease creates a window to the outside world? THE STING PIZZA!
- It takes me no less than 14.7 napkins to successfully remove roughly 25% of the oil from one tiny piece. (Yes, I am a pizza dabber) It's the kind of pizza that once you finish and the waitress takes your empty dishes the oil has penetrated not only the wax paper it sat on but also the metal tray beneath it, the concrete table, and quite possibly the Earth's crust.
- The mushrooms have the consistency of a rubber drain stopper. (I must have some repressed culinary experience from my early childhood.)
- Regardless I have coworkers who are shamelessly addicted to this pizza and are willing to fork over the $17.50 on a regular basis to enjoy all of its greasy goodness.
- Ahh, Wing Wednesday...the bain of my existence. You promise me a discount and mouth watering hot wings, but only deliver me overpowering, tangy, vinegar-laded hot sauce and an extra 25 cents in my pocket. I have kept returning to you week after week hoping the recipe would improve, tricking myself into believing it was just an accidental miscalculation of ingredients, yet I get proven wrong every time.
- For $7.50 and 10 wings, its certainly a moderately priced, shareable appetizer, but don't say I didn't warn you about the sauce that has me strangely addicted.
- The extra plates, napkins, and wet wipes brought out in advance are welcomed, useful, necessary, and appreciated!
- Probably the most nutritious item you will find on the menu, this sandwich is an old standby that I have disappointingly wavered from with unsatisfying results. When ordered with a side salad (which is included) it is enough to split with a partner and still feel satisfied while also allowing me a much less bloated, guilty, grease-laden conscience, which typically plagues me after devouring aforementioned food.
- The tender, juicy chicken is usually twice the size of the large, toasted bun it lies on and does require some surgical techniques to split the sandwich into 2 equal portions, but no complaints there!
- The mayo comes in a handy single serving packet which provides enough coverage for my tastes, but some people may be left desiring more.
- Only complaint, The Sting, do you really have to charge an extra 50 cents for lettuce and tomato? Shouldn't these sandwich staples be provided on the side...(deep breath, cover your ears for these forbidden words) FREE OF CHARGE? I know it's a novel idea that your menu-pricing mastermind represses, but can't you do ANYTHING nice for your loyal customer's pocketbooks?